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Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Is Your Self- esteem Debarring you from staying Happy ?

Self esteem correlates with happiness and life satisfaction according to psychologist researcher Christopher Peterson, author of A Primer in Positive Psychology. Our self esteem plays a major part on how we feel on a day to day basis and how we respond in our everyday life. As any other area of self development, self esteem can be viewed as an essential area to develop especially if lacking in one’s life. People with high self esteem will generally enjoy life to its fullest; they are able to be and do want they want in life. On the flipside people with low esteem will most likely struggle where they feel there are not in control of their experiences and their life is out of balance.

Some people will suffer from low self esteem for various reasons: these could be early childhood problems, lots of disappointment as an adult, abusive relations or constantly being a subject to criticism. I usually recommend Cognitive Behaviour Therapy or Nero Linguistic Programming if it has come to the point where a person’s day to day activities are dilapidated

My personal take; however to self-esteem is to learn to love and appreciate yourself first. There is a saying that “You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”
Here are a few questions to ask yourself
1. Do you constantly feel people are not paying attention to you?
2. Do you always negatively appraise yourself?
3. Do you mostly feel unattractive?
4. Do you feel comfortable when you are alone
5. Do you like who you see in the mirror?
6. Do you hate to nurture yourself?

If most of your answers to these questions are YES then you are not giving yourself the permission to value yourself positively and enjoy life.
Self esteem is primarily linked to how we view and, think about ourselves. Research has indicated that we have about 6000 thoughts going through our mind daily both good and bad ones. We obviously would not be able to process all these thoughts and when we pay so much attention to the bad thoughts linked to us, we are most likely bound to suffer from low self esteem. One of my favourite quotes is from Victor Frankl writer of “Man’s search for Meaning” which states that “Everything can be taken from a man but... the last of the human’s freedom – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”. This is a great quote to remember. My interpretation of this quote is - that you have got the freedom to choose either your bad thoughts which will make you feel more miserable or your good thoughts which will most definitely empower you.

Like most things in life we need to learn and practise new skills and for some of us; at the beginning may be crap at it (Remember when you first started to learn how to ride a bicycle or drive a car) ….but because we know we will benefit from it we usually keep up the learning until we become masters at it. So why not unlearn your old ways and learn new skills now to appreciate who you are and boost your self esteem.

Here are some tips
· Praise- Learn to start to praise yourself even if it’s for the tiniest thing you feel you have done.

· Use Affirmations- Such as I look great today………. I feel wonderful this day………… look for positive ones which will put a smile on your face. So here say and try and feel what you affirm to yourself.

Quote: “The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others” By Dr S.Friedman.

· Smile – Learn how to smile it certainly will not take a lot out of you start in front of the mirror and try smiling to a stranger when you are out, it does not cost a penny.

· Aware – Be aware of negative and critical voices within you and talk back to them or simply develop a phase to shut them up, it could be “you are a liar” or “I cancel you”.

· List – Look for things in yourself and develop admiration for them and write them down. Remember if you don’t nobody will.

Quote: “It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes” By Sally Field.

· Nurture- Spend some time nurturing your gracious lovely body and make it a habit.
Quote: “If I am not for myself, who will be?” By Pirke Avoth

· Music- Start learning how to listen to positive empowering CD’s. I’m sure you known that if you do listen to a tune over and over again especially at night you are more likely to have this tune playing in your head over and over again even after you have switched off the tune . So just imagine this powerful empowering tune going through your head over and over again and how good that will make you feel.

Two very important points to remember - 1 you are learning new skills here and may struggle but the key is to persist until you master the skills. And 2 remember that your subconscious mind knows no true or false, it is not prejudice. It is only aware of you and what you feed into it, so start today by feeding your mind with love and happiness.



leslie barnes said...

Great uplifting and encouuraging stuff.....Reality philosophy!

Tricia said...

Very beautiful post and video. Sad song.

About what you said about, low self-esteem will keep you from being happy. I find it to be true. When ever I was suffering from low self-esteem, I was always very unhappy.

This summer was a great example of that, my blonde hair turned green, then a hairdresser messed it up and my hair was breaking off and my hair was still green. I had the lowest self-esteem, I think I have ever experienced and I was misserable all summer.

My hair is fixed, I feel a lot better and happy. :)